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A comprehensive list of articles about the principles of holistic wellness written by our practitioners.

Indecision

By Dr Elinor van Ommen.

Being indecisive about what we want can leave us feeling very stuck, and this ‘stuck-ness’ creates a great deal of disharmony psychologically, physically and emotionally. Often, feeling indecisive about what we want relates to being disconnected from who we really are and being somewhat uncomfortable in the self.  It is often related to feelings of low self worth and internal thoughts and dialogue along the line of – I don’t deserve to have what I want.

It is often related to feelings of low self-worth and internal thoughts and dialogue along the line of – I don’t deserve to have what I want. We often have internalised some social myths about what we are allowed to want. So we then essentially hide the truth of what we really want from ourselves, or we hide our true selves and hide from living our own lives as fully and completely as we might. Sometimes it can also be a mechanism we might use to try to avoid disappointment - Things never work out for me so I will not get my hopes up ever again. That kind of promise that we might have made to ourselves at some point, can really linger on and create some deeper blocks to deciding what we want and going for it. Other times we might be more in touch with an idea of what we want but set about sabotaging that knowing. Why would we suppress our own wise knowing? It can often be an attempt to try to avoid the disappointment of going after something and NOT getting it. A fear of disappointment is really a deep under-valuing of our own ability to self-soothe, nurture and deal with change, and sometimes we can really benefit from some therapeutic help to re-connect to our strengths and abilities.


Another perspective on this might be knowing what you want, but feeling overly anxious about getting things ‘right’, whatever the heck ‘right’ actually is! The myth that there is a ‘right’, or perfect choice to be made, can be a massive stumbling block. So we can see options and we are trying to make a choice but we are too scared to move on a choice until we feel we have properly assessed everything that might ‘go wrong’ as a consequence of making that choice. Or we focus on all the things that could possibly get in the way of attaining/completing that choice and getting what it is that we wanted, and generally this assessment is driven by a predominant tone of fear behind it, afraid of everything that could possibly go wrong. This fear is a big stumbling block. A fear of making the ‘wrong’ choice will really create a great deal of indecision and immobility – being ‘stuck’. The fear is a contracted space that you can actually feel if you are honest with yourself, and this is in stark contrast to holding an open and creative space of - I wonder what opportunities might open up and what might happen if I try this – so much more open and allowing than being afraid and stuck. The creative space is maybe like that of a child exploring in a garden, all full of wonder and innocence.

An interesting stumbling block to being decisive about what we want in life can be a fear of actually GETTING it, sometimes this is a real blind spot. I have worked with clients who feel afraid of making a ‘wrong’ choice and later realise they are also afraid of actually getting what it is that they wanted. It may be a fear of success or a fear that if I get what I want in this situation and I am still not happy, then I will be faced with a bigger reality that I have been wanting to hide from. It is much easier to sit and complain - if only I had xyz (insert wanted thing here), then I could be happy. If we are sitting on some of those promises to ourselves, perhaps they are making the stakes too high, because if I choose the thing that I wanted and am still not happy then clearly something else will have to change, and change can be challenging. But it does not have to be faced alone and it is generally a place of more harmony and growth on all levels, than the ‘stuck’ space.

 

 

Image courtesy of graur razvan ionut at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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